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Video instructions and help with filling out and completing Vha workplace bullying
One of my Elisha members asked a very interesting question and because this question is very very common at work at the work environment I thought you can benefit from it as well so here's the message then is I'm in trouble I joined xxx two months ago and I'm miserable the cause of my misery is my manager he's bullying me in every sense apparently he wanted his friend to be hired for my role and he's not taking it well that I was hired instead of his friend at first I thought it would be temporary but now even after two months he's making my life miserable he's manipulative he never gives me credit for my own project he doesn't support me at work and hides key information then and worse he even spreads rumors about me he's double faced he can be seen as very charming from outside but he is a total dictator to me he plays so many tricks to make me look responsible for failures one day I couldn't control my nerves and started crying in the office then I realized that he was laughing at me for crying he was even calling others to witness my misery I'm thinking about quitting but I don't want to be unemployed again I have financial responsibilities this is not what I expected from such a prestigious organization I even approached a chart and a chart didn't seem to care much at all do you think I should still file a complaint with HR what can I do a great question I've seen this situation hundreds of times I mean in my consulting career I was never in that situation at pwc pricewaterhousecoopers but I've seen it happening in my client organizations many many times so I do have a very practical advice for you but just be patient so I can walk you through my thinking process I need to walk you through my logic but first let's start with what doesn't work okay going to HR doesn't work it doesn't work and it doesn't work for a few reasons you see a chars only obligation is there a bouquet is to their employer right to the company HR is no judge there is no such HR code like that of doctors or even lawyers that binds them to be fair their employees themselves in fact they have very very limited power right so the best they can do is take your written complaint and pass it on to the person who's actually bullying you right so the that's basically the worst situation that can happen to you because in your case your manager is the one who's bullying you so it's not going to work out very good for you right okay so I hope this was clear going to HR will very very unlikely work very unlikely another advice that won't work is confrontation right now the popular advice is that you should.
FAQ
What is the best way to recruit participants to complete a quick survey on bullying?
I assume that you already have a survey created - fantastic!If you are looking to get responses for that survey, and have already tried your own networks through social, email, survey monkey, etc you can check out Pollfish.(Disclosure, I work there)If you need access to an anonymous, random audience to take your survey, there are a number of benefits:There are over 290M people in the Pollfish survey network - primarily on mobileYou can reach a global audienceYou can target by country, state/region, or even cityYou can enter a screening question to get to just about any audience you wantResults come in real-time, most surveys are completed in a few hoursYou only pay for people who pass your (optional) screening question, and complete the entire surveyCompleted surveys start at just $1. It’s $.50 per surey for other targeting criteria (screening question, age or gender quota)Your first survey is 30% off.Good luck!
How would you deal with workplace bullying?
Office bullies are more complex, but most are manageable. There are generally two types, boss or coworker. Both types are motivated by a need to compensate for insecurity by appearing to be more powerful than another person or persons.Coworker Bully: This type of bully attempts to make someone look and feel “lower” than the bully. Snide remarks, unfair comparisons, and exaggerated statements designed to humiliate a person that the bully does not expect reprisals from.The bully is attempting to provoke a reaction that the bully will use to embarrass the other person.Do not react negatively because this gives the bully the opportunity to make it appear you are the aggressor.Zero reaction can also be used as weakness and encourage the bully to continue to bully.A certain kind of positive reaction can be very effective, but requires a difficult attitude to pull off correctly.First, find a way to NOT take the bully personally. Even faking will help a little, but the less personal we take it, the more control we have over our reaction.Second, smile and then respond. For example a bully is teasing someone about a clothing style. Instead of defending the style, perhaps agree (smiling) and ask what the bully recommends instead. Listen very carefully while the bully tried to answer the unexpected question. Even ask for clarification. Then thank them for the advice without saying you will accept the advice. Walk away. This completely defeats the bullies ambition of belittling. Now the bully is helping you. The exact opposite of what the bully wanted. If the bully declines to offer advice, just smile and walk away. Now they appear silly. Either way, the bully is not rewarded and does not appear stronger.Boss Bully: This type of bully is dangerous and most often, exceptionally difficult to resolve.Human Resources is needed to resolve serious cases. Careful, the bully must clearly cross policy lines and you must have witnesses or written proof to make any claims. Success through HR is not common and always difficult to manage. But if you want to stay, HR’s help is needed.Often, the best approach is to move on to another boss without a conflict. If this is an option, it is often the least painful. During your exit interview, you can leave specifics on why you feel you needed to leave. There is more credibility if you share facts only. What is right or not fair does not always hold much weight. Yes, a bully causing a hostile work environment is very credible.Some workplace bullies are just insecure people that do not realize the impact they have on others. The same tactics are used to discourage them. The bottom line is to not allow a bully to be rewarded for poor behavior. When a bully shares poor behavior with no repercussions, it is their permission to repeat that behavior.Hope this helps and take best of care!
How does bullying at schools compare to bullying in the workplace?
It’s much the same. It is illegal either way, but, whether it’s punishable in any formal sense is dependent largely on where you are, whether the media gets involved, and/or (as always) how socially/economically prominent you are. With schools, technically, it’s punishable, but, in practice, the legal system is rarely willing to hear cases against a school. When they will and the victim’s parents can secure an attorney, it’s often drawn out until the financial cost forces the victim’s parents to drop the case. Technically, you have the option to transfer to another school or be homeschooled, but, as a minor, it’s entirely dependent on your parents• willingness to let you do so. Not all parents are agreeable to that.Similarly, with workplaces, the administration either has a strong policy against it or they don’t. They either put a stop to it or they don’t. Legally, there are multiple avenues through which you can, in theory, pursue help in stopping said abuse. However, you face a strong risk of retaliation at your job, underhanded as it will usually be, there’s a chance the HR department and/or corporate office won’t help you to begin with, and, in the event that word gets out that you filed an abuse complaint against your job, you may have a hard time getting hired elsewhere. Likewise, if you leave without filing a legal complaint, you’d best have a neutral/positive answer when the hiring manager asks why you left your previous job. There are all-around decent individuals who recognize the existence of abuse and will hire you anyway, however, there are also those who will see you being strong enough to stand up for yourself as a sign of being a “squeaky wheel.” This all assumes that you can change jobs to begin with. Contrary to the common belief on workplace abuse, it’s often very difficult to do so, much less to do it quickly. Given any kind of choice, it’s foolish to leave a job without another to go to. However, the actual process of finding, applying for, interviewing for, and getting hired for another job with a comparable salary can be a long one, assuming there are comparable jobs nearby to begin with, and assuming your current store’s manager or owner isn’t good friends with the manager or owner where you’re going. It’s illegal to hinder a person’s employment elsewhere by speaking badly about them, however, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen anyway.
What do workplace bullies get out of bullying others?
They feel better about themselves, but only temporarily. Which is why they keep doing it over and over... (Like a drug addiction)I agree with what you said. But you have to understand the mentality of how and why people do it.People who bully in the workplace feel miserable, terrible and frustrated with their lives to some degree. Whether it's life at home, they're kids, they're job, problems, etc. The difference between someone who takes it out on others though is they're so consumed by their problems and negativity that they push it out on to other people. That's why Internet trolls keep trolling. Video after video, social media update after Social Media update....It says more about them than it does about the victim.
What are some ways to recognize a workplace bully?
I always thought based on some childhood experiences with bullies that it would always be easy to recognize one. But a workplace bully is an entirely different type of person and you may not even realize that he/she is one.Often this type of bully is envious of someone who is praised for working hard and has a good relationship with employees and the boss. This bully is generally viewed a strong leader but has little moral character. They are weak and unsure of themselves and need to attack usually someone whom they believe they can control.They may act alone and at first they may make you feel bad because you missed an important phone call. Of course the bully does not remember who is was. Then mistakes you are sure you have not made may appear. The bully loves the way his victim begins to worry about his/her job and relishes the concern that the victim may express.The bully may not act alone. Other office people who are afraid they may be the next victim are forced to join in. Now the victim is truly upset because he/she beginning to realize that there are more people involved. The victim may go to Human Resources or even the manager to complain, but often this does not help. These people are more concerned about production and profit and will offer little support. They may not even believe the victim.Bullies can be terrible people. They will make sure you find out about a party that everyone is attending. However, you are not invited. They will visit management and complain about your work habits. If they see that you are alone in the hall, they may make a face or some gesture. Who can the victim tell? No one saw this behavior and therefore there is no proof.The worst part about being bullied is that the victim may start to have emotional problems and health issues. The best advice is to quit your job and find another position. The victim will probably get good references because the administration only recognizes good work habits and it often unaware of the misery that an office bully can inflict.Â
What is it like to be subjected to workplace bullying?
I had a boss who is a narcissist. I know it sounds presumptive for me, not a mental health professional, to make such a statement. However, this woman exhibited nearly every sign of classic narcissism and the majority of my old coworkers agree with me.Part of working for a narcissist is being bullied at work. The threat of being fired at the drop of a hat hung over our heads. Our boss used us and lied about us to the owner of the company so she would look good no matter what actually happened.There are specific instances I can remember that she told me to say one thing to the owner of the company, telling me it was what he wanted to hear, when she knew that it was exactly the opposite.If I had a private conversation with our company’s owner she would grill me for hours about what we had talked about. The crazy thing is, we only ever talked about work. I was managing my own department, and we usually talked about new policy and metrics.She constantly told everyone how busy she was, but most of her time was spent watching people work on hidden cameras she’d put up.For some reason this woman seemed to focus on making me miserable. She gave me the most complex projects possible and then yelled at me when they took an appropriate amount of time. She also gave me the most ridiculous responsibilities and assignments possible. They were the work of non-skilled employees. But, I figured if she wanted to pay me to do the work, I wouldn’t complain too much about it.If I said something in a meeting, she would dismiss it completely. One of my co-workers took up the habit of repeating it later in the meeting. It would then be discussed as a serious topic.She asked me to do illegal things several times, and threatened to fire me if I didn’t do them. I told her that she couldn’t fire me for refusing to break the law.She would “forget” to give me raises. The company had guaranteed raises every year.I could tell that she wanted to make me quit. It was pretty obvious to just about everyone. Unfortunately for her, I wouldn’t. I convinced the owner that I should be able to work remotely and moved away from her.My life was instantly much better when I didn’t have to deal with her on a daily basis. She still tried to give me a hard time, but found that it wasn’t possible with no means of communication other than email and a phone.Eventually she fired me, saying that it was “no longer a good fit”. She couldn’t find anything wrong with my work, my attitude or the hours I put in. She then attempted to fight me on claiming unemployment insurance.It didn’t work.My organization did not support me. It couldn’t. The person that was in charge of our day to day life in the office was the bully. We tried to indicate to the owner many times what was happening, but he either didn’t notice the blatant hints or didn’t care. Personally, I think that he didn’t notice. He was a nice guy, and I don’t think he would have been OK with the way she acted in the office.What did I learn from the experience? I learned what not to do as a leader in an organization. I already had a lot of leadership experience, but the actions of my former boss cemented my commitment to being a good leader. I never wanted to make anyone as miserable as she made me. I also learned that I needed to act faster if I was in a toxic work environment. I needed to get out faster.I promised myself that I would never allow myself to be treated that way in the work-place again.
How would a psychopath react to workplace bullying and mobbing?
I used to work for a very large international conglomerate that has reach all around. I had worked hard to get to the position I was in and I had made it all the way to being second in command at the location where I was at.They participated in one of those programs where you bring your child to work for a day. I decided to bring my son that day to try and make up for lost time. I wanted my child to know I didn’t abandon him even though he saw it that way. It wasn’t his fault, I was young when his mother was pregnant and wasn’t ready to be a dad. Eventually his mother and I split before he was born. I was focused on my career and she passed away from complications shortly after. Needless to say, her family didn’t want me to have anything to do with the child and I didn’t fight back much because I thought raising a kid would get in the way of my career. He was raised by them and was practically grown before I ever saw him.So I showed him around and let him see what his dad had been up to for all these years. The office I worked at was really nice, so I was hoping maybe to inspire him to want to take part in all this. I couldn’t replace the years gone, but I could give him an opportunity to be somebody.Well, he finally met my boss and it was a big mistake doing that. I don’t know what that old smug son of a bitch was thinking, but much like Harvey Weinstein, this man had been in power way too long. He had always been brutal man, and I think my limited emotional activity was the only way I was able to be his number two. He was that horrible boss that you hear about. He berated his employees, would go on vicious tirades for petty reasons, would fire people on the spot, you name it.Well he really thought he was untouchable, and this man started completely berating my son right in front of me. I was always silent when he did this with his underlings and maintained a poker face because I had that ability. I thought at first he may have just been testing to see if my son had his dad’s ability to maintain coolness under pressure, but he just kept going. Eventually he went way too far and he used his personal protection taser on my boy! Finally I had enough. I may have been a shit dad, but no one does this to my kids. I picked this old bag of bones and hoisted him and threw him off the balcony railings. Unfortunately he got his licks in and he used the taser right on my chest and I died shortly after.Wait did I say me? My mistake. I meant to say Darth Vader. This was his story.
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